everyone deserves to rest
a reminder it's okay to not know where you're going
Yesterday, I took what felt like for the first time in forever: a day of rest. I’m not talking just bed rotting all day or putting my notifications on DND. I mean a full day of not committing to anything except what I wanted to do and doing things that brought me peace and happiness to the point that my soul felt at ease. Pure rest.
I was fresh off two weeks of travel, came back straight to another nonstop work week, and spent all my free time cleaning and trying to get my life back in order. All I wanted to do was rest. No plane to catch, no dinners to rush off to, no zoom call to log into.
I turned on some jazz music (check out the Grown playlist on Apple Music, perfect for slow mornings) and cooked a real breakfast - something I’ve found falling off my priorities with the hustle and bustle of busy weekday mornings. I put my devices in my room while I ate so I wouldn’t be tempted to scroll or answer messages, as I’ve found that recently I always have to multitask with screen time for any activity, even things as simple as eating. Afterwards I lit a candle and did some journaling without a prompt, because I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing myself to write about something. I just wrote until I felt like stopping - about my plans for the day, my recent anxiety around changes, anything that came to mind.
One of my favorite coffee shops (s/o The Oma II) was having a Beats N’ Brews event so I headed there to enjoy a matcha and music, and finally knocked out my Houston blog I’ve been delaying with my clustered mind. Then my joy of the day was a walk - I popped an edible (Wyld Sour Tangerine are the perfect mix of chill and energy) and literally just walked. 30 minutes turned into an hour turned into two hours. I vaguely knew where I was going but also just took in the sights of streets turning into walking paths turning into bike trails turning into a waterside park. I walked alongside the Hudson for what felt like forever, absorbing the winds as they whipped against my face and the stretch of each muscle as I felt my legs exert to give me every step I asked for. I walked until I couldn’t walk anymore.
Even though I was exercising, this was the most rest I’d had in days. Weeks even. It felt so good to not be attached to anything but my own body. Feeling the thumping in my chest as my breaths caught up to my stride, the sun beaming onto the nape of my neck. I was walking aimlessly, but it still felt like I had a destination.
Today at church, the sermon was about how we have to let go of our old way of life for God to transform our lives. By the analogy shared, you can’t sew a new shirt patch onto an old one and expect it to fit and look seamless. We try to maintain a sense of control, holding on to what we know best even when it’s dragging us down, over letting go and letting God.
And as I reflected on my walk yesterday, I realized that I had been trying to fit all these new things - new work responsibilities, new financial burdens, letting go of past relationships, my growing faith, the list goes on - into my old life without any change, which was leaving me exhausted. Craving rest in the way you crave water on a scorching summer day. I wanted to hold on to what was familiar and feel like I had complete control over every decision, rather than trusting that God would take care of me and my future. Sometimes it may feel like I’m walking aimlessly, no end in sight, but I know that when I put in His hands there’s always an end goal.
When I started writing, I wasn’t planning to turn this into a personal testimony but it was a much needed reminder to myself and hopefully for someone else that you have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself and trying to make puzzle pieces fit where they aren’t supposed to, just because you got a glimpse of the final image.
Take a long walk. Let go. Rest.